This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
