My sheets look like a crime scene.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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