I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
