You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
