her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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