i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
