If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
