I wish you could order shots online.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
