What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
