I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
