I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
