dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
