I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
