If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
