I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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