So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
