is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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