you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
