Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
