he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
