I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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