Sry I called you an 8
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
