Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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