Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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