I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
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Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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