I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
