he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
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there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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