There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
