Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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