I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
