3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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