What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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