i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
