That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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