I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
