I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
