Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
