how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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