i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
