Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up under a house in Key West
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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