good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
