The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
