the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
