You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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