I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
