Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
