they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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