I'm so fucking centered right now
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
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Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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