"it" just moved
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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