So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
