sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
