If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
