He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
