Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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