We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
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After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize