If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So apparently I’m into choking now
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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