she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There's always time for handjobs
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
