You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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