It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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