so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize