U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
