I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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