i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
