I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize