you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
