apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
