Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
