Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
and she was petting her beer can
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
