I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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