The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.