She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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