Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
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Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
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You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.