do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
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Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
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I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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