i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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