i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.