I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
smell my finger.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
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All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
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It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize