You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize