He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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