Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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