12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
