Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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