Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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