real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
